Bucket List
by MaliJo
Summary: Anna is diagnosed with incurable cancer and leaves her boyfriend to live with her sister again. One bucket list and a road trip later, Anna decides to tell her sister how she really feels before she leaves this world. (Modern AU, Elsanna fluff).
1. Monologue - The News of All News

**A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first Elsanna fic, so go easy on me please :D A little info before you read though...**

**This is a modern AU in which the events of Frozen never happened. My primary focus will be on Elsa and Anna though Kristoff and Hans have one or two scenes. This is all written in Anna's POV the reason being, she is the one with cancer and we want to jump into her mind and know exactly what she's feeling. If you don't like POVS, don't read. ****I was inspired to write this after I finished reading _The Fault In Our Stars. _Aidan Bale's Elsanna story also inspired me to write this. It's going to get pretty angsty towards the end. Though I've tried to add subtle comedy so this isn't all doom and gloom.**

**Bucket list: a list that people make of all the things they want to do before they die.**

**RATED T: For language use, a few innuendos, very angsty and some disturbing themes. Read at your own accord.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Frozen, nor do I own the cover image used. Enjoy...**

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**Monologue**

**The Worst News to All News**

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It all started about two years ago, when I was sixteen and enjoying the privileges that came along with my new age such as the emotional stability to get high or drunk or the long-anticipated wait of finally becoming legal and being able to pounce on my boyfriend for the first time after years of innocent touches and seductive whispers.

In fact, that's what I thought it was at first. After I turned seventeen which in all honesty, didn't feel like one year away from becoming a young adult. (I could never grasp those facts tightly enough. It all boiled down to how you feel. I still felt like a kid, I still acted like a kid. Perhaps twenty-one would be my age of breaking free from adolescence).

But anyway, swiftly going back to me and Kristoff... After a year of intimacy spruced into our supposedly flourishing romance, I started to get cramps in my legs and abdomen. I felt weaker than usual. Gradually, my one-hour jogs in the early morning halved like a bitter cake, my sleeping patterns became irregular and stridor occurred in my chest each time I inhaled and exhaled and my breath became hoarse.

For some reason after all this, I suspected the damn blonde man gave me a filthy STD. And I didn't mean that harshly, I loved him a lot but the possibility of receiving a sexual disease from _anyone _didn't exactly fry my burger.

So like any paranoid thirteen-year-old soul trapped in a seventeen-year-old body, I checked myself, not that I even knew what I was looking for. To be honest, I would much prefer taking a mirror and searching for some abnormality myself rather than spreading my legs open for a anaesthetic-smelling doctor to observe, no thank you.

Everything looked pretty normal to be honest. Well, not really. I never thought a vagina looked normal. So I gave it a less-cringe name than 'Vagina' and a less derogative name than 'Pussy' and came up with 'La fête à la maison' which in literal English translation means, 'The party house'. Because, why not? I figured, babies kind of live in it and it's the perfect place to have a party and French because the French are sexy to me.

But then thinking about babies, got me thinking about _babies_. Apparently feeling sick and weak were signs of a pregnancy. That's when I got pretty worried. I wanted to call up my sister, Elsa so bad and tell her that I might have little crabs running over my party house or a little human running inside my womb, but I hesitated. She worried too much and always had. Whether it was a scratch on my knee or a black eye, she'd be my nurse, kiss the wound better and then we would hug, for a while. This wasn't one of those moments.

Oh God was my sigh of relief packed full with the goodness of relief. Because though the pain still lingered like the freckles on my nose and shoulders, it had been two months after my paranoia over aids and pregnancy to realise, nothing changed. My belly stayed flat, if not skinnier. The sickness was rare and I mostly blamed it on all the chocolate I ate, which was plausible. In fact, the change I felt dramatically only dawned on me when I threw up a beige fountain of puke and spotted a few speckles of blood in amongst the gunk. My first thought was: _'Did the cyclists decide to ride out North instead of South?' _(I named a woman's time of the month 'cyclists' by the way).

Obviously that was not the case but woah, don't blame me for striking at those conclusions, nothing's impossible, after all.

I kept it to myself, huddled any pain from sight and smiled sweetly should I be questioned about my health, especially by Elsa. Though I knew she could sense when I was in dire need of help. Perhaps I needed help, but I didn't _want _it. I honestly didn't want all the fuss, all the sad looks and sighs. Kristoff became a worry for me that tingled the back of my mind each time I saw him.

I was already keeping my distance from him, I wanted to hug him, cry into his shoulder and tell him what was going on but I couldn't, partly because I knew he wouldn't understand, perhaps he wouldn't even care. I knew my sister would understand, she understands me perfectly but she'd also worry, too much. I think she felt it was her job to worry about me and take care of me when I'm sick.

Ever since our parents died years ago, she's always been trying to fill that hole that never quite got filled before they passed. She would buy me chocolate boxes of all kinds, stay with me and hold my hand, decline arranged outings with friends and men to just stay by my side and make sure I was okay. She's always been nice like that, always felt like she needed to hold it together but I saw her slowly lose her balance and I knew, she wasn't smiling to help _us_, she was smiling to make _me_ feel a little better even though I would hear her whimper in early hours of the morning, cursing the world around her. That's what made me move in with Kristoff, there was too much pain in that house, I couldn't take it the way Elsa could.

This was probably my worst mistake. Leaving my sister in that house full of memories and moving in with Kristoff who seemed easily distracted and otherwise occupied with his demanding job as an accountant. I guess that was kind of a blessing in disguise though. I had a lot of time alone to reflect on my past. I slowly came to terms with my parents and I realised something even more infatuating. I loved my sister.

Of course, you should love your family but I _love, _love her. The way I should probably be feeling towards Kristoff or the way I should have felt with my first boyfriend, Hans. Somehow my relationships with men never worked out the way I originally for sore in my mind. A house on a hill, five kids, three boys, two girls. A boy first to look after his younger sisters, the family album above the fireplace and every day full of some romantic adventure. What a typical _Princess dream. _

Elsa was like a magnet when it came to men. They gawped at her porcelain skin and bright blue eyes, scanning their eyes down her braid and then her slender curves, mentally undressing her. Perhaps so, she was very attractive after all but when I look at her, I see my childhood friend, my teenage best friend, my elementary school crush, my guardian angel, all in one single, amazing person.

And I know this is weird and wrong but it feels right, and natural. I've already spent my whole life with her and shared every secret there is to tell. We know each other better than we know ourselves. I could tell you right off the top of my head that she has exactly thirty-six faint freckles across her nose and cheeks and she could tell you all the names I've given every part of my body. The party house, the mountain peaks, the drum… She likes the drum best. I can tell. The beating of ones heart resembles a lot to a drum and is always some kind of conductor of pleasure when heard.

Yes, I'd much rather spend the rest of my life with that one person I could never replace in my arms or, in _her _arms rather than with a man who loves his dog more than he could ever love me. I'd literally sacrifice myself under the blade of a cold sword for that woman.

I know that now, I'm just blabbering on, and I should stop but you tend to think about these things when you're told the news that forces you to reflect on these minor details. Fuck that house on the hill. I've found that I've wasted my entire life falling in love with dreams and fantasies that could never be real. I've been constantly chasing that second star to the right though I know that it's far from my reach, I doubt I'll ever reach it. Not now anyway.

**…**

It was an intense moment when I staggered into hospital, leaning against my sister like a pair of crutch sticks because I felt too pathetically weak to jog into A&E by myself. I felt especially ill today and perfect timing to because Elsa suggested that a picnic in the park with me and Kristoff for us all to catch up would be a good idea and I wanted to come because I hadn't seen Elsa in nearly a month, neither had Kristoff and those two always made situations awkward unless I was there to move along the conversation.

So I forced myself out of my cosy bed and as I stood on the floor, sinking my toes into my sheepskin rug, my knees buckled forward beneath me and my head spun like a tornado. I felt like I was about to throw up overboard a ship. The pain would slowly drift away and return when I least expected it but I learnt to deal with it. For a couple of hours anyway before I puked over the picnic Elsa had made.

And that's when as expected, she panicked and I gave in this time. It was that feeling of both agony and relief that just allows that person to help you even though you wanted to be independent because well shit, they already know, why not let them carry me to hospital?

I'm eighteen now and been suffering this pain a year and a half. I surrender keeping it hidden to keep others happy. It's abnormal, even for me to feel this kind of pain. The pain I saw flicker in Elsa's eyes as she told me that 'It will be okay, you're going to be just dandy'. I kind of felt like I should be the one saying that to her. I'd been keeping these terrible vibrations of fears bottled up and now they'd spilled like milk. I guess it doesn't matter how much you suppress something you don't want to believe in, it will always catch you out, chase your tail until it's teeth sink into it.

I don't remember much besides the fact there was a lot of tears. Not on my part, but Elsa's mostly. I remember my vision was blurry, I was confused, I forgot where I was until I noticed the pristine white and clinical furniture around me.

Elsa had piled herself into a weeping ball of emotion on the tiled floor and Kristoff stood behind her, his face in his hands and his head shaking sideways slowly. I knew they were both crying. Over what I had no idea until the doctor noticed my conscious state and repeated what he had previously said to Elsa and Kristoff now to me.

"Anna, you have metastatic bone cancer and there's unfortunately, not a lot we can do. The cancerous cells have spread from the main tumour during your silence. We have found that it's spread to areas of the lungs and brain, we don't know if…" his voice trailed off into silence and a single hot tear that I didn't even know I was holding back spilled down my cheek. This was a nightmare, I knew it was, it had to be.

Me? Cancer? It didn't seem right. I wasn't a science boffin when it came to any type of disease (clearly) but besides the overdose of chocolate, I was pretty healthy, and I think I was happy. Why the sudden change?

A long and angsty story short... My name is Anna Nancy Brooks, I'm eighteen, I'm in love with my sister and I have cancer with only five years left on this earth. This is my story.

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**So this is just a prologue, introducing the characters, and cancer. The story starts in chapter one. Can I possibly get some follows, reviews and all that good stuff?**

**Just so you know, I don't have cancer. I've just done a lot of research, I do not intend to be offensive or anything, I hope I'm not coming off that way. I may make up some stuff too, but that's okay. It's fiction after all. See you next time :)**

**~MaliJo x**


	2. One - Coping With a Disaster

**Chapter One**

**Coping With a Disaster**

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What do you do when you're dying? Absolutely fuck all.

It's been a year since I was told that I've got cancer. I hate it already. The worst thing about it is a lot of people think that I'm some kind of Princess who gets everything she wants, using cancer as an excuse. The girl who can buy all the riches in the world, using cancer as her cheque. The girl who thinks she's so much better than everyone, using cancer as proof.

The outside world was harsh and somehow, it got inside _my _world and decided to eat away at that too.

Kristoff left me. Actually, I left him. Actually, I don't know. It was just a very dark and isolated moment when we both looked at each other, tears threatening to push out of our eyes in sync and decided. It wasn't going to work out.

Though we both knew, this was it, we're not going to survive in this already unstable relationship, we kept playing this game with one another for the rest of the year up until two weeks ago when he finally told me that he couldn't handle the cancer and that it was killing him. That got a laugh.

"_I'm_ the one suffering with cancer, not you, you asshole, how do you think _I_ feel?! Or do you even _care_ what I feel? This cancer won't kill you, it will kill _me_!" That's what I shouted at the top of my useless cancerous lungs at him, pathetically fisting the air and crying.

It's not like I wanted to stay with Kristoff. I loved him sure, he was great to me at first and I knew that deep down he cared but it wasn't enough. He was never going to be the love that would thaw me. He knew it, I knew it, _we _knew it. And that was the moment when we bit down on our lips, sat down hand in hand, staring at the floor and we talked through what would be best.

So here I am now, lying on my old bed in my old house where Elsa still lives and welcomed me into and I'm whimpering like a teenage girl who realises that the guy of their dreams is just not into them. I wasn't crying over Kristoff particularly, or myself. I was crying mostly for Elsa. It wasn't fair on her, how many times I took her help for granted. She kept it together for me and look what I've done. I've let her down, again. In four years I'll be dead and she'll be alone. No Mama, Papa, no _me_.

**…**

"Anna" Elsa breathed appearing at the doorway with two mugs of hot chocolate in her hands.

It was nighttime. Not a cool acceptable nighttime but a warm night where you don't even remember that it's one in the morning and I had been lying on my bed in the same position facing the wall for most of the day. I wanted to sleep but I couldn't. Not in fear of closing my eyes and _dying_ but in fear of opening them to find that, I'm still _alive_. No wait, just surviving. There's a huge and dramatic difference.

"Hey Anna…" Elsa repeated, drifting towards me and setting down the mugs on my bedside table.

Though I'd only been here two weeks, it already felt like home again. The furniture was left the same but much tidier since I left when I was sixteen, the light pink bedspread with matching curtains and pale green furniture decorated in fuzzy little yellow duckling engravings. I felt like I belonged here, but I didn't. The energies flying around me were too confusing for me to read and identify. Sometimes I even forgot for a minute that I was dying and then when I felt relaxed, it would hit me in the face again and I'd tense up in fear.

Elsa carefully sat next to me on the mattress and I flinched slightly as she placed her hand on my shoulder, soothing the covered skin with her thumb. I didn't shiver or whatever because I was scared or vulnerable but it was like she was triggering a button that would release a river of tears and I'd had enough tears for one day.

The smell of sweet and sticky hot chocolate with whipped cream and melting marshmallows found it's way to my nose and I couldn't help but lick my lips eagerly as I slowly sat up, facing my wonderful, gorgeous sister with bloodshot eyes. My heart literally skipped a beat until the waters of concern flooded her features and my drum stopped playing its beat.

"Elsa… please don't" I sighed, looking to the sheets. I loved her dearly, you probably all know that due to my earlier confession but whether it was her, the doctor or just some random person asking, it was the most stupidest of questions to ask a dying girl.

"Are you okay?" She questioned, as expected. I swallowed before voicing my words.

"I'm fine, just dandy".

Elsa frowned as she detected the hint of sarcasm in my voice but then that soft, beautiful smile sealed her lips better than any lip gloss she'd ever wear could and I smiled back, very faintly. There were pale pink tear tracks across her face and at an instant, I felt guilty. The hot chocolate brought me to my senses as I sipped it with Elsa, both of us holding back the urge to laugh and spew it all out onto the baby pink bedspread. For various reasons only sisters can explain with looks.

So anyway, we talked for an hour or so. I couldn't really tell when I was with Elsa. Time just flew by twice as fast which triggered the saying _"Time goes by when you're having fun" _and I don't know if I'd count this as _fun _per say but something tot hat effect. Something much more pure and humble...

These were the nights I loved. With my sister, drinking a chocolatey drink and telling stories, just like we used to when we were younger. I never got this chance to remain close and warm with the person I loved more than anything in this world because of Kristoff. Not that it was his fault but in essence, it was his fault.

I suddenly felt a thumb swipe across my nose and top lip and I faced Elsa with wide eyes who smiled back, tasting the ends of her fingers.

"There was some cream there" she grinned, so widely that her eyelids clamped cutely together. I smiled back for a minute but my drum started to play a tune drums never liked to play. Blues. Blue because I know Elsa would never look at me the way I look at her. Oh sigh...

"Anna" Elsa cut in, shaking me from my daze. I blinked a few times towards her, closing my lips around a huge pink marshmallow as she spoke. "Do you think you're ready to write your um…".

The marshmallow was now in wedged into my mouth, I had no way of speaking up what I wanted to say so I thought it instead. I thought for a moment that perhaps Elsa was asking when I'd write my will. But that was silly considering the only things I owned was my clothes and my stupid cancer (excusing the fact that cancer actually owned _me_). So I said nothing, just nodding my head and blinking slowly, egging her on to finish her sentence. She smiled weakly, her cheekbones twitching to stop some fresh tears spilling. Oh double sigh...

"Your bucket list" Elsa finally replied, her face unreadable.

I finally chewed the marshmallow and swallowed, staring down at my hot chocolate for a while, watching as the squirted cream slowly melted as a soft spiral into the remaining liquid. I guess I hadn't really thought about my bucket list. Well actually, I lie, of course everyone thinks about stuff they want to do before they leave this earth, places they want to see or people they want to meet. It's the kind of thing you'd tell your best friend or sibling. You didn't have to be dying to write one.

I glanced up to Elsa who was absent-mindedly staring out of the window. This didn't feel or awkward or anything. The silence was comfortable, she was beautiful. It were as if anything broken or ugly would become new and beautiful when she touches it and a little less useless, maybe even me.

Cancer seems to be a common word in this story, I know, you'll probably get _sick to death _of it after a while but honestly, I have nothing else to add. You probably think I'm silly for crying like a little heartbroken girl on her old childhood bed. I haven't been this way _all_ year. At first there were a few tears but really, cancer is just like your hair colour, you get used to it after while, the trips to the hospital become walks in the park, the chemotherapy to relieve the pain and all that shebang becomes just as normal as eating breakfast in the morning.

I suppose the only reason I was crying today and have had mini breakdowns in the past two weeks was because of _change. _I wasn't exactly ecstatic to leave Kristoff, nor was I upset. It was a mix of both really. The feeling of leaving the life you've built with someone for so long because you _have _to and leaving the bond because you feel you must. The life me and Kristoff built together wasn't a life. It was a lie. We had our moments here and there but it wasn't built with love.

When I'm here where memories _were_ built with love over many years, I feel safe and warm which is rare with me but I like it and I kind of hate it. My parents raised me and Elsa in this very house, they're still here with us, watching over us and I can't decide whether I like it or not. I can't decide whether I can accept joining them in wherever death takes you and us all watch over Elsa. If that's how it works, I'm not sure I want to do that. I'm not sure I want to die. But however, you can't escape the inevitable.

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out, until eventually I sighed. "Elsa, I don't want a bucket list" I spoke half honestly. She focused her sight on me, tilted her head and returned the small sigh, her eyes sparkling with sadness. It was strange how even in a mental tragedy, she'd manage to keep those perfect blue eyes in place. I know we had pretty much the same features but they never suited me the way they suited her.

For Elsa, the button nose, light freckles and blue eyes slotted onto her silky skin like jigsaw pieces, like they were _meant _to be there. I always felt my features clashed terribly with my stringy orange hair and horribly round face. Not that I minded. I liked looking at beautiful things. Elsa was the main attraction of course.

"I want you to do all the things you want to do, Anna, please, I love you" Elsa strained her small whisper, clutching my hand in hers. I know it was only a small gesture, a small sentence that any sister would say but still, I couldn't help but inhale sharply and widen my eyes, quickly placing my mug on the bedside table before I might drop it in shock.

"I love you too…" I smiled perfectly normally. The tears were in the past, I felt happy right now, in the present and that was the main thing. I think people tend to take the present for granted and dwell on the past or worry for the future. When you haven't a future, the present tends to become your best substitute. And of course, your sister Elsa (should you be lucky enough to have one).

"I just want to stay here, with you" I said truthfully and we both conversed through our eyes that it was time for a hug. Elsa hooked her arms under mine and pulled me close, her eyes closed whilst I fumbled my hands around the small of her back, a smile on my face and my eyes open. Her hair smelt of watermelon… Now I know that I probably sound like a creepy stalker now but this is my life. Every sisterly embrace that should be normal and innocent is so much more to me. It helps me to get through the day more than my hospital check ups ever would.

"I want you to be happy" Elsa breathed into my shoulder. I felt the tears press against her eyelids and so hugged her tighter until I felt a smile. "I _am _happy" I grinned. Elsa finally and to my unluckiness, unfortunately pulled away with a small smile that I returned fondly.

"So you don't want to go to Thailand?" Elsa asked sweetly, most likely referring to the many times I told her when I was an obsessed-with-growing-up teen how badly I wanted to go there after watching a programme on the party nightlife.

"Well…" I smirked. "I guess Norway gets a bit boring after a while". Me and Elsa shared a small giggle that we often did at the smell of chocolate or whatever and I weakly lifted my hand to cover my mouth, I would often snort should I get too much _into_ the laugh.

I found I hadn't a need to cover my mouth. The soft giggles came to a sudden halt when felt my sister's slightly chilly hand spread across mine which was fairly warm. The contrast was amazing and refreshing but I dernt say it aloud. My breath got caught in my throat and I stared up with glistening eyes and inward lips, my drum pounding as I observed her kind smile.

"Anna, we'll go to Thailand. We'll learn to ballroom dance, climb a mountain, build an enormous snowman, whatever you want to do. Please don't hesitate to tell me…". I nodded gently. "Good" I said.

"Good" Elsa mused.

The moment was perfect, the atmosphere was light and soft but then Elsa stood to her feet, her hand falling out of mine like a precious gem I'd never want to let go of. She collected my empty mug and then hers and at that instant, my heart sank because I knew that she was going to leave. I wanted to ask her to stay, just a bit longer but when it came to the conflict between my head and heart, the heart was never persuaded to plummet fourth with the right words.

Elsa was a busy woman. A _businesswoman_. Something I was too immature and childish to become myself. Not that I wanted to anyway but still, I admired that poised, multi-tasking skill Elsa displayed in her work. She wasn't _obsessed_ with work though like Kristoff (Not deliberately trying to compare them in a mean manner). But in light of things, Elsa could bend her hours to fit mine though I protested because I hated being a burden on anyone, much less my sister. I was already a hurdle to and against myself and didn't want to inflict my pain upon others though I was sure, Elsa did it out of love and not pity.

"Anna…" Elsa started. I looked up from my deep thinking state. I hadn't realised she'd been staring at me from the doorway for a while. I thought she'd gone, I was about to start pining for her again though she looked troubled as if something was playing at her mind. (As if something _wasn't _playing at her mind).

"Yes?" I leant forward on the bed, gripping the wooden panel in anticipation of her question.

"I um… do you want me to…"

"What? Tell me!"

"I… never mind, goodnight" Elsa sighed as if she'd forgotten what she wanted to tell me though I knew she was just too shy and yet too stubborn to explain herself.

"Goodnight" I replied, a drop of disappointment lacing my tone. Of course, Elsa picked up on it.

"Hey Anna…" She began once more.

"What"

"I love you".

_That_ sparked my attention. A smile graced my slightly tired features as I turned to look at her, my teal eyes perked at the statement. "I love you too" I replied, no sarcasm or disappointment in my voice this time, just pure honesty.

"And.. and, I'll write some stuff tomorrow" I added, hinting at my unwritten bucket list. Any normal person such as… Kristoff _(Kristoff!)_ would have to ask twice for me to elaborate but not Elsa, she smiled knowingly conversing a glance with me that only sisters can. _"Anything you want" _she mouthed towards me. I sighed to myself. Why couldn't she see that I wanted _her. _

Once she left, I lay back down on my bed, my arms crossed under my head as I faced the ceiling in thought. In thought of everything I wanted to do. Perhaps ten things… that sounded about right. I flinched as I heard a heartbreaking sound echo through the floorboards. Almost instinctively, I crept out of bed and pressed my ear against the susceptible wood, my sigh full of sadness as I took in the sounds fully. Elsa must of thought I wouldn't be able to hear her cry quietly. Bit I did, I always do. It physically broke my heart in two.

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**A/N:**** Your next update won't be as soon because I must update the other stories. But soon always comes soon. **

**Thank you everyone for your follows and favourites. Reviews are always appreciated too, I love to hear your feedback and suggestions as this story _is_ written for you, my lovely people. **

**Next chapter, we finally get to see Anna's bucket list and pull ourselves out of the first angst into the drama/comedy/love bit. If Elsa seems a bit distant now, don't worry, the bucket list "bonds" them and starts the Elsanna :) See you next time!**

**~MaliJo x**


	3. Two - The Days That Last

**Chapter Two**

**The Beautiful Days/The Days That Last**

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So I wrote my _bucket list_. Kind of. Perhaps I'll change it first but not until I've read it over a few times. After all, everything on this single sheet of paper will be the rest of my short life. My fate is literally in my hands. Though I can't tell you _everything _I wrote right now. The story progresses along with my list.

As I finished scribbling the ninth desire on my list, I heard a smooth voice invite me down to the kitchen which was emanating smells of pure deliciousness, too hard to resist. So as a result, I folded the small piece of paper and placed it under my pillow before skipping downstairs to find none other than Elsa turning pancakes on the stove.

"You seem happy this morning" she commented, returning the grin I'd woken up wearing. I gazed at her with pouted lips and frowned slightly. "Am I not allowed to be happy?" I asked fondly. Elsa chuckled.  
"Of course you are" she replied, turning her attention back to the breakfast that was sizzling in butter.

I slumped myself down on one of the four chairs that surrounded the small kitchen dining table (Elsa had never ridden of Mama and Papa's chairs after they died) and I thought closely to myself. I'd never woken up with a smile like this, not since I was a young teenager. Maybe even before.

Even when I was with Kristoff, days were never greeted with large grins or quirky bounces. No wonder Elsa had seemed surprised as I entered the room because now I think about it, I'm fairly surprised too. I have nothing to smile about these days. I just broke up with my long-term boyfriend and have been dealing with metastatic cancer.

"I think it's this house" I spoke, observing the textured ceiling, the minor crack in the corner of the rooms and the chapped paint by the doorway and light switch. "Eh?" Elsa said, tackling her pancakes.

"This house must make me happy" I explained "a lot of memories took place here, it's my home. And besides, my big sister is here too".

Elsa's eyes scanned over me for a moment before she smiled warmly and turned off the heat on the stove. "I'm glad" she agreed, scooping up the pancakes and placing them inside a plastic lunch box that sat alongside a tall metal flask of hot chocolate and small bag of fresh berries.

"What are you doing?" I asked, shuffling in my seat as I heard my tummy rumble over the sights and smells of the warm, syrup-coated treats. Elsa glided over and gently patted my arm. "We're eating it out" she declared softly, motioning for me to stand.

"Shit" I cursed under my breath as I glanced down at my frilly pink pyjamas and then to Elsa who was dressed in dark denim jeans and a floral white blouse, black slip-on shoes with a small amount of heel to tarnish the summery look and her hair in a neat braided bun.

"Don't worry" my sister chuckled, placing one hand on the small of my back and guiding me through the doorway until she halted at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes twinkling like morning dew and her smile small and sweet like sugar grains.

"I know you and through all the years that you've been late to school or family outings, you've always been able to change in super-speed time" Elsa began "so go, chose something generous".

I hugged Elsa quickly with a grin to which she returned the both before I quickly dashed up each winding step, pouncing into my room and straight to my wardrobe.

When Elsa said _"choose something generous" _I hadn't a clue what she meant but I settled on some black jeggings and paired them with a white vest and magenta cardigan. Black flats and my hair in their usual braids.

"Nearly ready!" I called as I powdered my cheeks in front of the small mirror. Still, the pale green wood that had been worn out by dust, neglect and woodworms after I had left a child, returned an almost-adult.

"I _know_ you are!" Elsa shouted back and I could clearly hear the smile in her voice.

**…**

Elsa drove the two of us in her blue vintage Citroen car which had once been our papa's most beloved vehicle under his property.

After a fifteen minute drive, we found ourselves standing at the entrance to Vigeland park. One of the most cleanest and beautiful parks in Oslo. Despite Vigeland park wasn't too far from where we lived, we'd never been there often, only once or twice with mama and papa when we were wee. But that was it, and that fact kind of surprised me.

"Ready?" Elsa queried after I heard the boot door slam closed and my own car door open for me. Elsa outstretched her hand, a full backpack swinging on the other and I tentatively reached out and gently grasped her soft hand that was unusually cold and so for that fact, as I got to my feet, I held it harder and swiped my thumb across her palm, trying to warm up the cooled flesh.

"Ready" I finally answered, taking the rucksack off of Elsa's arm and smiling up at her, hopping off before she could take it back and protest.

Elsa laughed before slotting the key into the car and locking up, following swiftly behind me and I waited for her to catch up before asking, "where do you want to sit?"

The blonde curiously glanced around the park, smiling as she spotted some shade under the tree whose shadow smothered an appealing patch of green. "There" she said, pointing to where I was already running ahead.

I plopped the backpack down and slumped against the tree, my chest heaving furiously and my breath hoarse as if my lungs were coated in cobwebs. Elsa shot me a worried glance, patting my shoulder gently again.

"Take it easy" my sister whispered, undoing the top of her backpack. I frowned, waiting to catch my breath so I could snap back. "I'm fine" I argued quietly. Elsa only smiled a small smile, unloading a lavender blanket and stretching it over the grass.

"You're not fine" she finally replied "and I don't want you passing out again". I heaved myself up and crab-walked onto the blanket, falling carefully onto my back and spying the oddly shaped clouds through the tree we sat under which appeared to be a blooming linden tree.

"I never used to get that tired out" I noted aloud as my breath regained a smooth frequency. I faced Elsa, she remained silent as she unpacked the food and plates. I sighed softly to myself, staring back up at the branches where a finch perched, peering at me with a small tilted head before it jolted upwards and flew high into the air.

Elsa could never talk as openly as I did about the cancer. On one level, that was a good thing because though I hated being in pain myself, passing it onto others would just pain me more but on the other respect, I wanted her to talk to me about it. Otherwise I would one day leave her all alone on this world with nothing but unspoken words she was too afraid to say.

But Elsa was always one to keep quiet when I would loudly voice my opinions no matter how explicit they may be.

When the lid of the pancake box was audibly peeled off, I bolted upright and licked my lips, listening to the harmony of my stomach once again. "Finally" I sighed happily, fetching myself a pair of cutlery and glaring the pancakes over as if I were a young teen again, spotting the crush of my life walk past and smelling the scent of aftershave they left behind.

"Calm down" Elsa chuckled.

"I will not!" I exclaimed, reaching like a hungry lion towards the long-awaited breakfast but unfortunately, Elsa snatched it away, slowly layering out pancakes and berries onto my plate, arranging the delicacies tantalizingly slow.

_Hurry! _I thought, impatiently fidgeting in my spot on the blanket.

"Here" Elsa smiled handing me the plate. I quickly took it and thankfully dug in, slurping a small cup of hot chocolate as I did so. I once again heard Elsa laugh and I could have made anyone agree that it was close to the second best sound she ever makes.

"Slow down" Elsa warned lightly, carefully forking into her own pancakes.

"Chocolate" I commented, licking it from the corner of my lips. Elsa nodded silently as she chewed.

"They're delicious" I proudly told her, my face as serious as the sunny weather above us.

"Don't talk with your mouthful" Elsa ordered, trying to hide her giggle.

"You said be _generous_"

"That was about clothes"

"Okay, okay. Whatever".

The two of us shared a laugh and continued to feast on the breakfast. Elsa always made the best pancakes, by far. And it wasn't the only thing she was good at.

**…**

"Boy, I'm stuffed" I commented, flopping backwards into my previous position and spying through the linden green leaves. Elsa looked at my sixth plate of chocolate, banana, sugar, berry, cinnamon pancake and shook her head with a grin. It amazed me how she only had room for _one _pancake and a few stray blueberries.

"How do you not get fat?" Elsa asked me, as if she were obese herself. I swallowed, not really knowing what to say, so I spoke the thought. "I dunno, fast metabolism?" I suggested, quoting something my first ever boyfriend, Hans had told me.

Funny story about Hans, he was actually my science teacher. Not old, young and strappy, and gorgeous but more of a crush that went a little lopsided. Long story short, he left me heartbroken after the lesson he had taught my class about the chambers of the heart.

He had stared me right in the eyes as he fumbled with a pig's heart, demonstrating the order of dissecting one's heart.

"_This, is the left atrium and the left ventricle" he informed the class, his emerald eyes not at once leaving me as he penetrated that organ on the tray in front of him with each of his fingers. _

"_The heart has four chambers, much like one man may have four children. But the heart only has one aorta and there is no room for two" he spoke thickly, peeled his gaze away from me as I was trying to translate his speech and that was the last time he ever looked my way. _

"Elsa, you should eat more, you're like a stick" I told her, trying to forget the past. It didn't hurt as much as Kristoff, but I still felt a little pain in my aorta each time I remembered considering Professor Westerguard was the first man to show me love. I looked to Elsa and thought _but not the first person._

"Anna, I'm not a stick" Elsa said. I glanced to Elsa's tight blouse, each curve poking in and out just as it should. I then smiled. "No, not quite" I agreed. I then turned my attention to the plates that she was gently stacking, the syrup on her own plate still in delicate spirals on the china.

"You design food like you design buildings" I smiled, leaning back on my arms. This felt pretty nice and reminiscent. As if I'd been here before at this very spot, at this very same time of this life. It's makes no logical sense but it doesn't need to either.

"How is your job coming along anyway?" I asked, sitting back up as my arms started to feel limp from the pressure. "Fine" Elsa answered "I've been given a new project".

"What is it?" I asked.

"To design a new building for one of the banks in Bergen"

"Really!? That's huge!"

I thought to myself right then and there how smart and talented my big sister was and then, how I was taking up her time with my stupid cancer for picnics and bucket lists. Instantly, guilt washed over me like a tsunami and Elsa felt it, I know she did.

"I'm going to turn down the offer" she told me. I stared at her as if she was mad and just committed a crime.  
"Are you crazy? I asked, my voice breaking into a high pitched squeal.

Elsa fell back into the position I had been not two moments ago and I watched as she examined the passing clouds, floating by like the birds that swiftly followed after their trail. "I'm not crazy" she finally spoke, kicking her small heels off and sighing as the Spring air caressed her feet.

"You're doing it for me" I moaned quietly "And _that _is crazy". Elsa turned onto her stomach, facing me with a frown and slight pout that looked just too cute on Elsa. Though she still continued to do so.

"I'm not doing it for you but even if I was, why is that bad? You're my sister and I'd _quit _my job for you" Elsa explained passionately. I sighed again.

"But I don't want that, you've done everything for me and there's nothing left to give me. I'm going to die soon so what is the point on spending money on something with only a year or so guarantee? If you understand my metaphor" I replied.

"Don't say that"

"But it's the _truth_, Elsa".

There was a silence, a long and awkward though depressed pause. I gazed at Elsa who stared at a few blades of grass in deep thought. I knew she hated talking about this, and here I was bringing her down on a happy day.

"Besides" I spoke, cutting through the extremely quiet space between us "you're amazing at architecture".

"Don't be so silly" she chortled.

"Don't be so modest" I snapped back, grinning and it were as if the previous conversation was long forgotten now.

"So!" I declared in a deep, American-TV-presenter accent, pointing to the statues in the far distance along the pathway. "What are your thoughts on Oslo's architecture, Miss Elsa Architect!"

Elsa chuckled, her eyes glazing over the statues that followed the trail of my pointing finger.

"I think it looks very elegant" she informed me, smiling at the tall post. I frowned at her answer.

"I dunno… looks kind of like a penis to me..." I chirped awkwardly.

"Anna!"

"Oh and those graphic statues surrounding, no more, please".

We both fell back on the blanket giggling and for a moment, our fingertips briefly brushed against one another and I couldn't help but allow blush to trickle from one cheek to the other. Elsa immediately (being her, she couldn't help it) worried over the cherry colour seeping onto my pale face.

"Are you okay-" Elsa was quickly cut off in sentence.

"I'm good" I interrupted.

"Good?" She asked.

"Good" I said and we watched the morning clouds drift into afternoon, our hands still so close that I could feel blood pulse around the pad of her thumb and she smiled at me. That gorgeous, red-carpet though sincere smile that I could never under any circumstance fall bored of.

"Let's go home" she said.

"Let's" I agreed.

* * *

**A/N:**** I guess 'soon' didn't come so soon but yet, here we are. **

**I apologise for my absence and though I hate making excuses, I'm blaming the writer's block for this. The journey of Anna's bucket list starts next chapter or the one that follows after.**

**Thank you everyone for all your reviews, follows, favourites and support. Keep it up because when I feel good, so does my writing. Next chapter will be awaiting you very soon. **

**~MaliJo x**


	4. Three - Want and Need

**A/N: Krone = The Norwegian currency. 10 Krone is equal to about $1.48/£0.93. Not that this is extremely beneficial to the story but still, there's a fresh bit of knowledge for you. Krone may come up a few times during the story, too. Well; they are in Norway after all. Proceed.**

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**The Thin Line Between _Want_ and _Need_**

* * *

It had been a week since mine and Elsa's picnic in Vigeland Park and in that time, not only had I finished writing my bucket list but also Elsa had really pulled her weight in helping pack, arrange times and transport for our road trip. She even took unpaid time off from work, telling them it was a 'family emergency' which I didn't agree with, her taking time off work I mean. As I could easily have done it all myself but when I protested against Elsa, she simply told me that _"work loves me more than I love work, they'd give me years off if I asked"_ and I couldn't help but think at the time that _everyone loves you..._

Now it was the day we were due to leave to set off. Luckily cousin Rapunzel and her boyfriend Eugene had been so kind enough as to lend us their small caravan for the journey and Elsa had filled the vehicle with our luggage, money for the trip and plenty of luxury chocolate occupied the fridge. Granted, Elsa was probably more excited than me but the situation made me smile unconditionally anyway, just her being happy made my day.

It was a road trip with my sister, something I hadn't done for a long, long while. Kristoff was always too busy to go on trips with me, even Christmas shopping with me was a chore for him. A goddamn workaholic was the only way I could describe him as. Each day that passed with Elsa, I began to forget him more and realise all the pain he brought into the relationship, to himself, to me. All the things he did wrong surfaced like dead fish, it all stank, too.

Elsa sat in the driver's seat of the blue Citroen, leaning back into the chair, dark shades supported securely on the ski-slope shape of her nose, her hand resting on the steering wheel. She stared ahead at all the emerald trees in the front yards and it sure as Hell took a few moments for her to notice me standing there, gazing her way for her to smile instantly and wave me towards the seat beside her.

"You got everything?!" She shouted, leaning forward over the passenger seat so her head called out of the open window. I took a moment to observe the caravan, attached to papa's vintage car, the sun blazing down on the patch of green before the pavement, a perfect suburban street and a perfect sister waiting for me in the hot sun.

I grinned, a proper wide grin. The only last thing I held which was a compulsory item on the 'to bring' list was yet another list. My bucket list.

The crumpled piece of notebook paper had been in many different hiding spots around my room including under my pillow, upon my shelf, in my drawers, in my pocket, used as a bookmark and sometimes I'd be taking it with me when Elsa would take me out for walks to cafés or I'd go on my solo walk in the evening, assessing everything that had and will eventually happen.

The list was brought with me because each day I kept on adding something new to it or scribbling out old things. It wasn't planning my weekend, it was planning my _life_. Everything I'd wanted to do or see in my life had to be thought out quickly, crammed into one year or so which was meant to be seventy years or perhaps eighty at best like what Elsa would thankfully have.

The truth is, it was hard to list down everything I wanted to have in my short remaining life and I think that it's difficult for anyone; sick or not to chose exactly what they want to have and what not and make all of that the entirety of their life. Because want is just a feeling, a powerful, dominating kind of feeling and that makes people feel like they _need_ it when they don't. In short, everyone just wants more and more but when that happens it seems to be that they receive less and their expectations fail to meet them halfway. That's when one can realise the difference between want and need.

And so I wrote down everything that would make me happy, everything that meant I could pass the time, with my sister who seated herself waiting for me patiently, her smile fixed like the blossom on the linden trees that day.

"Hey, you there?!" Elsa giggled "I said: have you got everything you need?"

That made me chuckle, referring to my deep and inner thoughts and so I quickly replied "yes!" with a smile, I gazed into Elsa's crystal blue irises "I have everything I need".

Elsa looked at me strangely then, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion yet she still smiled.

"Okay Annabelle, lock up, yeah?" Elsa quipped with a smirk, plopping herself back onto the drivers seat and staring forward at the road ahead.

"Sure… Elisabeth" I grinned, closing the door and turning the key, checking one last time that the door was securely locked and all the windows on both floors were closed. I spared a small reminiscent smile to the old house and turned away across the green, opening the car door and sliding into the passenger seat.

"What?" I chuckled as I noticed Elsa gazing at me, a small smile on her ruby lips, her head tilted so the neat blonde ponytail drooped over her right shoulder. I was busy braiding my own hair into their regular twin plaits as she said not a word, continuing to stare at me. I almost jumped when I finally got an answer.

"You remember when mama and papa used to call us that?" Elsa asked, referring to the Elisabeth and Annabelle shenanigan. I giggled, finishing the last fold in my cinnamon-coloured hair and flipping it to rest on my shoulder. I leant my head back to stare at the roof of the car.

"Yes, I remember" I laughed "I used to hate that name though…" Elsa returned the chuckle, sighing softly.

"You really did hate those names but still, Annabelle Nancy Brooks is in bold on your birth certificate" Elsa explained. I puffed my fringe away from my face with yet another chortle.

"Don't even get me started on the 'Nancy' side of things… who is that anyway?"

"Our great aunt, she visited us two summers ago"

"Oh yeah, _that_ Nancy". I thought back to two summers, before I knew about my cancer when Nancy joined us from England for 'tea and biscuits' in the backyard on a sunny day much like this, her scarlet hair hidden behind a white hat that was unnecessarily large. I probably didn't remember much of her then as all the blood-infused mucus and occasional sickness occupied my time (and mind).

"Ahh..." both me and Elsa exhaled simultaneously, leaning back in our seats and enjoying the sway of the summery breeze in the luxurious heat that pooled in through my open window.

"It's nice" I commented after a few minutes of silence.

"Huh?" Elsa said as if she'd just woken up.

"The sun and… and heat, I mean. In Oslo"

"Meh" Elsa shrugged, tapping the pads of her fingers in a melodic rhythm on the round of the steering wheel.

Truth be told, Elsa was more a fan of the colder seasons and therefor, a big lover of anywhere in Norway, the colder, the better. But despite all that, it never stopped her packing a bikini in her suitcase or wearing a short beige skirt and white tank top so the sun would embrace her bare flesh which was as white and smooth as double cream.

"So" Elsa interrupted, turning on the radio low where some classical jazz began playing softly throughout the car. It was the kind of music mama would play whilst cooking dinner or cleaning the house. Papa was also fond of it too but indulged himself more in opera. Surprisingly, the two genres fit perfectly together and that's why I always envied the relationship Adgar Brooks had for Idun Brooks. I wanted something like that too, a partner who would look at me each day as if it were the first time they ever laid eyes on me. But the only two boyfriends I had ever had did none of that.

The first guy always gazed at me like the way _I_ would gaze at a chocolate cake: full of lust, full of secrecy, full of both want and guilt and then the second man barely ever looked at me, immersing himself into his job or on the rare occasions he would glance my way, it was a tiresome look of _'I'm busy, leave me alone'_.

"So indeed" I mused staring ahead, thinking of a joke to crack because things being too calm and relaxing were never my kind of environment. Instead, Elsa quickly jerked forward, sitting bolt-upright and sliding her shades atop her head to face me properly. She changed the radio station to BBC radio one where a funny fellow named Nick Grimshaw spoke in English with an English accent, introducing a few pop songs which got me into the happy mood a little more.

"You're going to have to tell me sooner or later what you've written on that damn list otherwise I don't know where to go" Elsa chuckled, clawing for the crumpled piece of paper in my palm, I quickly drew my hand backwards, jumping slightly at the sudden movement.

"No!" I laughed playfully, elbowing her desperate arm. She finally surrendered.

"Okay you're not going to show me, fine, fair enough but you need to tell me where we're going first" Elsa explained. I sighed happily.

"Elsa, it's a road trip; we can go wherever" I told her "wherever a fridge full of chocolate and a car full of memories takes us".

Elsa bit her tongue in thought and examined her nails as she did so before finally coming up with an answer.

"Anna I can't decide for you, it's your-" I immediately interrupted her.

"Yes, it's _my_ bucket list but Elsa to be honest, if you're happy then so am I so please, can you just chose, you know I'm hopeless at choosing things…" I whined.

"But that goes for me too, Anna. If you're happy, then consider me a grinning bobcat" Elsa protested "c'mon".

My heart skipped for a while as she spoke those words and I inhaled slowly to think deeply to myself, the heat of the afternoon finally taking its toll. Elsa was like me... persistent, determined and stubborn; an argument between us was like deciding what came first: the chicken, or the egg or what was supposed to go first on the scone: jam or cream. So with that in mind, I decided to just fall into my own decision and tell her.

"Well… Why don't we just start this off with some afternoon lunch somewhere then get out of Oslo, find a patch of green somewhere and sleep the night. I don't want to bite off more than I can chew on the first day" I suggested. Elsa then rolled her eyes and held onto both sides of the wheel.

"Anna when do you ever _not_ bite off more than you can chew?" She laughed.

Silence spread like a knife and butter across the car and I grinned to myself, Elsa instantly recognising the lewd smile I wore. She quite quickly flushed pink which was rare in my older sister and shook her head free of the sordid thoughts I was emanating.

"Anna! I didn't mean it in _that _way, I meant you eat so much chocolate and- Oh God, you're disgusting you know that? You spend too much time with guys" she huffed, trying to cover up the fact she was straining her frown deeper in order to keep from smiling.

"Oh don't be so anal about it" I breathed, hitting her shoulder playfully. Before long, the conversation was forgotten when she gradually allowed herself to laugh it off.

"Back to our original plan, that seems good and I know a great place to get some grub which is on our way heading outside Oslo" Elsa told me.

"Where?" I asked.

"You'll see" she said and then, the key turned and the car accelerated. It took a short while of me directing Elsa left and right, forward and back as I poked my head outside the open car window, examining how the caravan moved in proportion to the car.

Five minutes and a hundred exasperated sighs later, we were cruising along the road, bidding farewell to our house and neighbours who waved or blew kisses and it was quite a quaint and quiet street we lived on, mostly consisting of kind elders with a lot of stories to tell and children who still talked kindly to one another. The neighbourhood was just how I had left it those years ago and I didn't realise how much I missed it until I returned a couple of weeks ago.

Within half an hour of 'I spy' or 'who would you rather' car games and heavy traffic, Elsa parked outside an Asian restaurant named _Mr. Tang _and after paying for the parking ticket, she took my hand quite quickly and gently helped me out of the car, locking it behind her whilst still gripping onto my hand, my face went slightly pink but I soon cooled down once we started parading to the entrance, our hands swinging forward like they once often did as young kids.

Inside the Mr. Tang, the table tops were black and shiny, the walls were white and the chairs were wooden. Red strobe light clashed with the sunlight through the large windows and I imagined it dark and romantic under a clear evening sky. It was a simple little place and not very packed at the moment but the smells were enough for me to want to stay here forever. Elsa also whispered to me that the prices were generous so there was nothing for me to get all worked up and guilty about and once again, Elsa read me like a stop sign because I was beginning to worry that she'd be splashing hard-earned cash on me like she enjoyed doing for me too often.

We were given a table straight away and were already ready to order. After my eyes had scanned the menu, I settled for a large beef bowl whilst Elsa placed her trust on a small green stir fry, both of which meals came quickly with a small mug of green tea to which I added three teaspoons of sugar to sweeten out the bitter taste.

"You know we had a cooked brunch barely three hours ago" Elsa chuckled softly, her hands wrapped around her green tea as she gazed into my eyes from behind the rim of her mug. I dribbled some soy sauce over my beef bowl and spooned a great amount into my mouth, the juice of the meat, the thickness of the udon noodles and sharp tingle of the grated ginger caressing my tongue lovingly. I swallowed, my eyes draped closed and my smile warm and sweet like my meal.

"Is it good?" Elsa queried, placing her green tea on the table and sautéing her own sesame stir fry in some soy sauce. I nodded, licking my lips eagerly.

"It's delicious!" I confirmed happily "oh I could eat this everyday… day after day!"

Once again, Elsa laughed and I loved hearing it, over and over so I continued to slurp the soup surrounding the meat and chew comically on the vegetables, over and over I heard her giggle almost silently but sometimes louder than the action itself.

We ended up staying a couple of hours, happy with our green teas and bowls of seaweed peanuts and wasabi broad beans, talking about all kind of things, the topic of being young and playful with our parents often entering our conversation.

"It's funny" I told her whilst circling my finger in spirals across the table and Elsa looked up at me with sparkling orbs and that's when I noticed she was wearing a necklace of mama's, the one with the silver chain and snowy quartz pendant, Elsa always admired that one and I remembered it clearly, all of the memories whether it was held in a book, a necklace, a house or in someone's bleary eyes, everything I had gone so long without was coming back and bringing me a new definition to _need_ and _want_.

"What is it, Anna?" Elsa questioned, taking the last sip from her third green tea which the waitress told me, was good for your skin, fifty per cent sugar or not.

"It's just, I haven't smiled in a while. I'd forgotten how to be happy, I'd forgotten about my real home, you and mama and papa. I'd forgotten it all, I'd just been slowly cascading myself deeper into regret and misery because I thought Kristoff needed me. It wasn't what _I_ needed, but everything feels right now that I'm back, it all seems like it should be, like I was never looking for the missing piece in the first place because it's already here and always has been, I just was blind not to notice it…" I spoke gently and glared down at the rippling of the hot green liquid in my mug. Elsa said nothing, stunned by my forwardness, I thought she'd continue to ignore it like she had last time but to my surprise, she reached out and gently took my circling hand in her own, her thumb soothing my wrist so softly, she felt like a soft lullaby.

"Why do you speak like this?" She asked quietly, almost in a whisper.

"Like what?" I deadpanned, feeling somewhat offended.

"You speak like an old woman who wishes she was young again or a doubtful father who wants to go back and change his decisions. There's an element of _want_ in your tone but yet you're so sure, even close to death, you know what you want but do you know what it is that you _need_?"

"Of course I do"

"Then what is it?"

I nibbled gently on my bottom lip, I knew what I needed, it just hadn't surfaced to my cancerous brain yet but I knew, deep in my heart what I needed. And being a hopeless romantic, I was a big believer in fate which I thought was the reason I got cancer suddenly in the first place, why I left Kristoff and returned to my habitat, where I belonged.

"I'm just messing with you" Elsa teased, squeezing my hand gently and pecking her lips gently but discreetly on my cheek. We both raised our eyebrows in mere amazement as we glanced out of the large windows at the sky slowly changing from a light sky-blue to a cerulean evening colour, grey clouds covering the last of the sun. We never saw a good sunset or sunrise in Oslo, I was hoping to see a sunrise once we got in the countryside though.

"Jesus Christ Anna, we've been talking for ages" Elsa grinned, standing to her feet.

"I know right" I added, holding the food upright in my belly and grunting in slight discomfort at the newly bloated feeling.

"That's what you get for eating large portions" Elsa told me, grabbing her handbag and slipping some krone into the small plastic dish the waiters had left out with the cheque for the afternoon's meals and snacks Elsa also pinched two after-dinner mints from the bowl, leaving an extra tip for the staff before outstretching a hand and assisting me out of the booth. I clutched my stomach in dramatic agony, wincing and whining at each step.

"You need to carry me" I whimpered.

"You need to sit down" Elsa corrected me before nodding gratefully at the bar maid and waiter nearby before disappearing out of the door, the cold air of the evening running up my spine.

"It's chilly" Elsa noted, smiling "have a mint".

"I-it is" I took the mint into my mouth and then shivered as I was never one to react well with cold. But as soon as Elsa heard my teeth chatter and felt my arms tremble, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me closely, taking every last inch of the cold away.

"You numpty" Elsa sighed into my strawberry-scented hair, her eyes closed gently. "You'll catch a cold".

"You're the one wearing a short boob-tube skirt and a tank top" I told her.

"Yeah, yeah, okay smarty-pants, let's get going before it gets too dark to go anywhere".

"The caravan?"

"Of course".

Elsa lead me into the car, still holding me tight until I sat myself down and securely clipped my seat belt around me. Elsa reached into the back of the car in the two other seats that were mainly used for storage nowadays, like an extra boot. She brought out my hot pink-coloured coat and her own blue jacket, watching as our breaths turned into mist and then condensation on the cold windows. Norway was strange like that, warm by day and cold by night. The sky got a deeper blue each minute.

"You good?" She asked me.

"I'm good, you?" I replied.

"Yup, good, good Now let's get going".

Elsa started up the car much quicker than last time and as I rubbed my hands together, blowing hot air onto them to keep warm, Elsa drove us on the outskirts of Oslo where the street lights became less plentiful and to our luck, a campsite was just a couple of miles out. Fifty krone for the night and Elsa parked us right in the dark corner, shaded by trees and out of the way of the large clusters of tents and caravans. Unfortunately, the murky clouds blocked the presence of the stars which papa once told us, was always there just hiding and I liked to think that he was really saying that about himself and mama. I knew they were there, just hiding.

As I rushed out of the car, all I could think about was the warm stove that was built in the caravan, the cosy double bed that was lined with fresh silk sheets and duck-feather-filled pillows courtesy of Rapunzel who was always far too giving for her own good. I made a note on my mental list to thank her for it all.

"Light it, quick!" I shivered, gesturing to the open stove already prepared with logs and cole. Elsa smiled and waltzed with a matchstick and box, striking a fresh match and darting it into the pit. Within moments, orange and yellow flames rose from the substances and heat gradually filled the cool caravan to which I fell happily on my behind into the soft carpet, smiling at the warmth whilst Elsa ran to the car to lock up and fetch some last luggage.

"You need any help?!" I called out to her but she shunned me away, telling me to relax and take it easy. So I did, but not without the feeling of being helpless and guilty pulsing through my chest again.

But like the both of us was aware, Elsa was a sufficient, quick and strong woman who was able to carry everything and multitask like a pro into the heated caravan, already assorting things into cupboards and dressers as soon as they lay sprawled about the bed.

"This is nice" I smiled, leaning forward to close the caravan door and lock it, too. Elsa agreed, boiling some milk on one of the hobs of the small electric oven and fetching two mugs from the cupboard.

It wasn't long before she brought out two expected mugs of hot chocolate and set them on the coffee table. I had a look around this caravan. It wasn't large, but not tiny either. It was Eugene and Rapunzel's so it must have been a couple's caravan, that much was told from the double bed. The furniture was plentiful but all so close together. Whilst one side consisted of a small kitchen, the other was a somewhat bedroom where the windows wrapped around the front so you could view the car and the tree. The outside was a pale green whilst the inside was cream and the floor was a wonderful coffee-coloured carpet. I loved it all. It was small and hadn't a room for much else beside a tiny wet room (I know, I giggled at that name too), a few kitchen furniture, a loveseat, a double built-in bed, a flat screen thirteen by sixteen inch TV and the stove. This home definitely defined the line between _want_ and _need_ for me. I was content without luxuries people would otherwise indulge themselves in at houses. If the TV and oven went, I could live with that too. Live off the fat of the land, the heat of the stove and the berries of the outdoors.

Of course I wouldn't last a second in the wild but it was a nice and tranquil thought to send me to sleep that night.

I slurped gently on my hot chocolate and sighed into the cup, immediately drawing attention from Elsa who frowned in my direction.

"What is it?" She asked.

"No marshmallows" I sighed with puppy-dog eyes and droopy lips.

"I'll get some tomorrow, quit being so fussy"

"I'm kidding" and I wrapped my arms around her, nuzzling my chin into the crook of her neck as if she were a second stove though her skin was so cold from being outside longer. I intended to warm it up and so I daringly placed a quick peck of a kiss on her collarbone.

"Thank you" I told her "for everything". Elsa then melted into the hug and smiled sweetly, kissing my cheekbone once again, obviously fine with my own extremes in the field of 'pecking'.

"It's okay. I love you, Anna" Elsa told me and I instantly froze, wishing that the statement meant more than just a sister being a good sister but I still hugged her and told her that I loved her too, in every way (but I kept the last bit to myself).

"Get some sleep, you" Elsa whispered and though I wanted to stay there, leant into my sister's thawing skin and nuzzling contently into her neck, I still complied, nearing my suitcase and slipping into my baby-pink nightie as Elsa's attention was turned onto her mobile. Of course, I wouldn't mind if she did look but the mood was already so warm and tender, it didn't matter at all.

I guzzled the last of my chocolate drink and gave my teeth a good scrub before undoing my braids and sliding into the gorgeous silk sheets, watching Elsa tap away on her phone before my eyes closed and sleep possessed my tired, ill body. For a moment in that embrace, I had almost forgotten everything and the saying became clear to me as I drifted off to sleep. _Live in the moment._

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed that; people. Finally it's the road trip. Be ready to immerse yourself in Elsanna very soon, there's a whole load of it coming up now that they're together and out! I've also changed the summary a little, so don't be alarmed, still the same damn story.**

**Thanks for all the follows back, I missed them haha. Leave a review and tell Jas what ya think, your thoughts, your ideas, I love to hear it all. I hope you all had a good Halloween... Until next time :)**

**~MaliJo x**


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